Every Little Piece of Him Read online

  Frozen and physically sore, he was no closer to figuring out his life. Spending the day alone, he struggled with doing what came naturally to other people.

  Loving Iliana wasn't comfortable.

  He hurt. He stressed. He hated his life because he couldn't give her all that she deserved without jeopardizing his freedom. Not to mention, the freedom of the others.

  Anders closed the upstairs door quietly.

  He and Iliana were too different. His life in the Bitterroot Mountains was raw and independent. Iliana was soft and loved the spotlight.

  Iliana spoke to him with words from her songs and chitchat that made no sense, but he craved listening to her. For the first time, he grasped how easy it was for her to talk with him. He wanted what she could give him.

  Peace. Contentment. Dreams.

  She'd left the light on in the living room. He paused outside the bedroom and let his eyes adjust to the darkness within. After several seconds, he made out a shape on the bed.

  All he wanted to do was get in the bed with her, nestle his head between her breasts and hold on, never letting her go.

  He trudged through the room and into the bathroom, shutting the door quietly. Slipping off his cold, sweat-soaked clothes after leaving his snowsuit hanging to dry in the pole building, he stepped into the shower. The hot water stung his numbed skin until his body temperature regulated.

  When he lost the chill, exhaustion overtook him. He hung his head under the stream of water and closed his eyes. If he could wake up in the morning and today hadn't happened, he'd stand a chance of keeping things a secret for longer.

  He couldn't blame her for whatever reaction came from her when he finally worked up the courage to go to bed. If she pushed him away, he deserved it. She'd done nothing wrong, and he'd done everything possible to show her that he was the last man she deserved.

  Dragging his ass out of the shower, he toweled off and walked naked to the bed. He slipped under the covers being careful not to touch Iliana. As if breathing through a straw, he stared up into the darkness.

  He hadn't checked in with the others today.

  He hadn't taken care of Iliana today.

  He hadn't been here running the Lair today.

  And, yet, the others hadn't needed him. Iliana was physically okay. Stone Lair continued to prosper. No word from the others meant they were alive.

  He blinked against the knowledge that he wasn't needed. What could he bring to everyone's life when he had no idea how to nurture relationships or have a family or love someone else?

  The bed shifted. He opened his eyes, holding his breath. Iliana had rolled over, facing him.

  "Are you okay?" she whispered.

  He swallowed. Humbled by her knowing how to start a conversation they needed to have, he forced himself to breath and said, "Yeah. You?"

  "No." She kept her voice low and unaccusing. "I'm scared that you're never going to open up and be honest with me, the way I need you to be."

  "I don't know how to do this," he whispered in the darkness.

  "Do what?"

  "Live a life with you," he said. "There are things about me, about my past, that I don't want coming between you and me."

  "Like today?" she asked. "Is that why you were so angry at me? I did something that reminded you of your past?"

  He remained silent. Someone who grew up in a loving home with supportive parents, a sister who was her best friend, probably had a pet or two to draw her experience from. Iliana had never seen the seedier part of life where people trained and forced those same pets into the ring.

  "What did you think I did wrong," she said quietly. "You knew I was going out to the motorhome."

  "It wasn't you." His pulse pounded. "You did nothing wrong."

  He'd kept the dog attack at Stone Lair a few weeks ago from her. She had no idea the men after him would stoop low enough to use dogs against her, to get to him. He'd reacted out of the need to save her, and after being updated by Steve on the outcome of finding the owner of the dog, he'd come to realize Iliana would view him as reacting badly.

  "I saw the stray dog on top of you and thought it was attacking." His confession sounded robotic to his ears.

  "You were violent. It was like you'd snapped." She paused. "Do you have a problem—"

  "I have a fucking problem with the dog," he spit out. "I don't want any dog around you."

  "Any dog?"

  "Yes." The admittance ripped out of his raw, tight throat.

  "You just don't like dogs or does this have to do with a bad experience with them?"

  "Both." His chest heaved with each breath. "I don't trust them, and I don't want them around. The only place they're allowed on my property is behind the cabins. There's a fenced in area where they can go, out of my sight."

  Iliana slipped her fingers inside his hand. He held on tightly. Desperation surged through him. She hadn't pulled away. He turned toward her, pulling her into his arms. Holding her possessively against him.

  His heart pounded, and he barely hung on to the hope she gave him by staying. He swore on his life if she could see past today, he'd never let any part of his past touch her again. He'd get a handle on his fears and be the man she needed.

  "You're scared of dogs," she whispered.

  He inhaled a shuddering breath. Scared wasn't a big enough emotion.

  "You've never had a chance to own a—"

  "I'll never own one," he said.

  "That's okay. I can live without a pet." She caressed his jaw. "I can't live without you."

  He closed his eyes against the burning. His pulse hammered violently, holding in all that he was feeling.

  "I'll probably do a shit job of loving you, but damned if I don't," he whispered back. "I can't stop."

  She laid her forehead against his. "I love you, too."

  Chapter 33

  Whistles and bells erupted behind Iliana in the casino. She whirled around and joined the cheers for the older woman winning at the slot machine. Going by the smile on her face, the win was the highlight of the woman's night at Stone Lair.

  "Iliana?" A man around her age approached her wearing a flannel shirt and heavy black boots. "Are you singing tonight?"

  "No, not tonight." She clasped her hands together in front of her. "Only on Friday and Saturdays."

  "I'll make sure I come and listen to you sing before I'm due back in the mine." He hooked his thumbs in his pockets. "Do you have time now to let me buy you a drink?"

  "Oh, thank you but no. I'm actually looking for..." She spotted Mac hurrying into the entryway of Stone Lair and reached out and squeezed the man's arm. "Excuse me, please."

  She walked out of the casino and into the bar following Mac. "Have you seen Anders?"

  Mac lifted his head from the opened folder in his hands. "He's out in the pole building. Would you like me to call and let him know you need him?"

  "No, don't bother him. I was only wondering if he was inside somewhere." She wandered back to the casino.

  The woman who had hit the jackpot was once again playing her winnings. Iliana strolled through the crowd of people, checking out the Blackjack tables, and stood at the edge of the Roulette table.

  By appearances, she took an interest in what was happening in front of her. But, her mind was on Anders and when he'd come through the door.

  She laughed as the gentleman playing made a sign of the cross on his chest.

  A few days ago, her and Anders silently laughed at the odd habits people performed to gain good luck when they gambled. Older people usually congregated around the Roulette table bragging and stealing kisses from the ladies. Some of the demands for luck were hilarious, like the gentleman who wanted the dice warmed up between a rather voluptuous woman's breasts before he played them.

  She missed having Anders here to enjoy the Lair with her and headed over to the employees' break room growing impatient. Knowing the weather was below freezing, and she didn't have her coat with her, she went out the back door
and jogged across the parking lot to the pole building to keep warm.

  Opening the door, she looked around for one of the yard crew to ask about Anders whereabouts when she spotted him at the back of the building. She cupped her hands and blew hot air into her palms to warm her cheeks.

  The closer she came to the group, she recognized Quint, Will, Mark, and Two-crow. They spotted her before she could interrupt, and she waved.

  Anders turned around and motioned her forward, gathering her in his arms. "Where's your coat?"

  "Upstairs on the rack." She kissed him. "I'm not going to freeze to death running across the parking lot."

  "You feel like you are." He rubbed her back. "What are you doing out here?"

  "I missed you, and Mac mentioned you were out here. I didn't know your friends were here, too." She looked at the others. "Hi, guys."

  She received a few mumbled hellos, a nod, and a finger lift in her direction.

  Turning to Anders, she said, "I'll go back inside and leave you to visit."

  "Il?" He held on to her. "I was going to come and let you know we were going to take the snowmobiles out on the trails for a couple of hours but would be back soon."

  "Oh, no problem. I have things I can do while you're gone." She smiled at the others. "Have fun and stay warm."

  "Hey, do me a favor." He cupped her cheek and whispered, "Wear that little black thing when I get back."

  She warmed, ducking her chin to hide her pleased reaction from the others. "I guess it would be a good idea to take advantage of your big bathtub by myself while you're gone," she whispered.

  He growled softly. She kissed him goodbye and waved to the others.

  Following her tracks back to the Lair, she slipped inside and nonchalantly walked through the bar, unlocked the private door, and hurried upstairs. Riding high from Anders plans for the night, she went to the window and looked across the back of the property to the right of the cabins. She wanted one more look at Anders before she got ready for his return.

  The large overhead door to the building opened, and a snowmobile came out with its headlight on, followed by another, and another, and she realized when even more came that it was Anders and his friends who were going riding. She smiled out into the night, glad there was a part of him that still enjoyed spending time away from the Lair and being one of the 'boys' with his friends.

  She put her hand up in case he looked toward the upstairs window and enjoyed watching them all ride slowly out of the parking lot and head toward the trailhead. They must be going up on the mountain.

  She walked to the bathroom and turned on the water. Sitting on the edge of the oversized tub, she poured in bubble bath that she'd found in the belongings her dad brought to the Lair for her. She ran her hand in the water, stirring the bubbles. The warmth reheated her body after coming in from outside.

  She slipped out of her clothes, took her jewelry off, and stepped into the tub, immersing her body under the water. A sigh escaped, and she closed her eyes.

  Sometimes her happiness overwhelmed her.

  Anders had proven many times that he was trying to open up more. There was no hidden anger problem like she'd fear after the conflict with her picking up a dog. He was a man, and to admit he had a fear of dogs had taken a lot out of him.

  She understood unexplained anxiety and how people reacted differently to the same kind of situation. Four or five years ago, she'd suddenly suffered from stage fright after never having a problem getting in front of a crowd. She'd taken six months off from singing in front of others. Looking back, she couldn't pinpoint to one specific reason why she broke out in hives before performing and couldn't relax her throat muscles. Whether it was stress from something else or a lack of confidence, she never found out the reasons why.

  But, once she'd talked to her parents and her vocal coach, she'd worked through her nerves and now she loved being in front of a crowd and singing.

  She hoped Anders understand that she wouldn't love him less because he preferred to stay away from dogs. She loved him regardless.

  Her phone rang. She opened her eyes and stared at the counter where she'd left her cell. Letting the call go to voicemail, she sat up and washed her body. Then, she stepped into the shower and rinsed all the bubbles off her body.

  Grabbing her robe, she tied the belt around her waist and checked her phone. Her mom had called.

  She played the voice message.

  Hi, honey. I wanted to let you know your dad has to go down to Texas for a few days for work and I've decided to go with him. We leave on Sunday, and we'll be back home on the seventeenth. Of course, you can call either one of us if you need us. Love you. Talk soon.

  She carried her phone into the bedroom with her. In an hour, Anders would be home, and she'd be in her black lingerie waiting for him.

  Not wanting to get dressed yet, she looked through two of the Rubbermaid containers in the closet and found the candles she'd brought with her. Taking two out to the living room, she set them on the hearth.

  Her stomach fluttered imagining what Anders would do to her. What she'd do to him. The pleasure that would come.

  Her toes curled in the bear skin rug. Was it possible to be addicted to someone?

  The way she felt about Anders and her need to be with him twenty-four/seven was going to surpass her sister's sickly-sweet obsession with Tom. She laughed softly to herself, feeling like a teenage girl with a major crush.

  She sat down on the couch and curled against the arm, going through her text messages to pass the time. Amusement filled her as she read one after another text from Sofia asking questions about the motorhome. Then, later, her sister messaged to tell her they found the switch for the hot water tank and the shutoff to the batteries.

  Typing a one-message reply back, she understood the confusion they were going through. Owning an RV, having never had one before, came with a learning period. She had all the faith that between Sofia and Tom, they would figure everything out together and love the discoveries.

  Brad had texted her, asking if she was happy singing at Stone Lair. She replied to her former band member.

  Leaving the rest of the unimportant messages for another time, she set her phone on the arm of the couch. A few more minutes, she'd get dressed in the requested outfit.

  She squeezed her thighs together, excited. Anders looked rather rugged and sexy in his flannel and stocking hat. Strong and formidable like a woodsman.

  Her stomach fluttered. He would come home and surround her with his tenderness and warmth. Raking her upper teeth over her bottom lip, she rode out the arousal happening in her lower stomach.

  A thunk interrupted her pleasurable thoughts.

  She stilled, straining to hear the noise again. Noise had never come through the floor from downstairs. Even the music and sounds from the casino couldn't get past the heavy log construction and insulation of the building.

  Another thunk came followed by scraping as if someone or something brushed against the wall. She turned toward the door leading to the outside stairs. Before she could get up to see what was making the noise, the door burst open and Anders and Two-crow lunged into the room, holding Will up on his feet between them.

  Forgetting that she was only wearing a robe, Iliana jumped from the couch and rushed to them, taking in the blood soaking the front of Will's damaged coat. She put her hands out to help and looked at Anders for directions.

  "We're taking him to the spare bedroom." Anders and Two-crow kept walking.

  She hurried around them and opened the door, jumping out of the way as the three men practically fell into the guest room.

  "Should I call an ambulance?" She hugged her robe closed.

  "Yes," said Anders, picking up Will's booted feet and putting them on the mattress.

  "No," croaked Will from the bed.

  "Son of a bitch." Two-crow unzipped Will's jacket. "You're going to need stitches."

  "Then get someone to do it here." Will groaned. "Not going to th
e hospital."

  Anders patted his ass, realized he wore a snowsuit and unzipped the leg, reaching into his back pocket of his jeans. "I'll call the doctor I use for emergencies at the Lair."

  Mark came into the room, breathing heavily, and looked to Two-crow, shaking his head. Iliana looked between the men while trying to hear what Anders was saying over the phone but he refrained from going into details of what happened and ordering the doctor to come to Stone Lair.

  Will grunted in pain, raising his hand to his chest. Spurred into action at the blood soaking more of his shirt, she left the room and gathered clean towels out of the bathroom cabinet.

  She went back into the guest bedroom. The men gathered around the bed, and she hung back unnoticed.

  "Did anyone follow us?" asked Anders.

  Iliana stared at his rigid back, curious about what was going on.

  "No, they split up before I reached the road here. I didn't follow and came straight here to make sure Will was going to make it." Mark's hand went to his back and rubbed his lower spine. "Maybe I should go back out—"

  "Not alone." Two-crow stepped away from the foot of the bed and raised his head, catching sight of Iliana. "Your woman brought towels, Anders."

  Stepping forward, she gave them to Anders. "Can I do anything else?"

  "Can you make us some coffee?" He left the towels folded and placed one on Will's chest and one on each of his sides.

  "Sure," she said quietly.

  "Il?" Anders stepped away from the bed. "Dr. Warner will be showing up. When he gets here will you let him in?"

  "Of course." She lowered her voice. "What happened?"

  "I'll explain later." He kissed her forehead. "Right now, I want to make sure he gets taken care of, and the bleeding stops. He'll probably be spending the night and—"

  "I know where the clean sheets are. Once he's taken care of, we'll figure out how to get him comfortable." She rubbed his arms, reminded that he still wore his snowsuit. "I'll go make coffee and watch for the doctor."