Living A Beautiful War Read online

  Living A Beautiful War

  By

  Debra Kayn

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Living A Beautiful War

  1st Digital release: Copyright© 2014 Debra Kayn

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

  All rights reserved. This copy is intended for the purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this e-book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without prior written permission from Debra Kayn. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

  www.debrakayn.com

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty One

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Author Bio

  Debra Kayn's Backlist

  Chapter One — Breathing His Air, Book 1 of the Bantorus MC series

  Dedication

  To my readers ~ Your love, support, and excitement for the Bantorus MC series has made the last two years a fabulous journey. Through book releases, giveaways, contests, and chitchat, I've met so many wonderful friends that helped motivate me along the way. Your enthusiasm was contagious. Thank you so much.

  To Kim and Shauna ~ I could get as gushy as a Hallmark card describing what your friendships mean to me, but I'll keep it simple...I cherish the talks, the laughs, and the snap-snap of our badassery. And, yeah, I'd still feel the same even if cheesecake wasn't involved.

  To Daydream Believer Book Blog ~ You're amazing. Not only do you fully support authors, you support your followers by giving so much to them without asking anything in return. I appreciate your time and the love you put into the reading community. Thank you.

  To CSC crew ~ It's simple. Let's roll...

  Chapter One

  In the back of the main room of the Sterling Building, three men shook hands with Kurt, Bantorus MC, Federal Charter's president. Ink rolled his lips over his teeth, uncomfortable with the scene playing out in front of him. Every Saturday for the last month, he'd witnessed the same three men single out and make contact with Kurt.

  Usually, the only customers visiting Silver Girls —the only adult entertainment joint in Federal— were miners from the local silver mines. Ink studied the men. Dressed in worn jeans, shirts with the sleeves cut off, and black riding boots; Ink suspected they were bikers looking for a club. However, the serious expression on each man's face and tightly controlled attitude was not a classic sign of eager, willing-to-please, hopeful prospects.

  The men's attention focused on Kurt, not the girls dancing or the music blaring in the room. Ink drew his gaze away from the group and found Lilly standing several feet away from the huddle. Anyone else would think the daughter of the president of the mother club in Pitnam was doing her managerial job of watching over the dancers, but he knew differently. Lilly had her nose where it didn't belong and because of his lack of self-control, he couldn't do a damn thing about it.

  He'd received his first official warning to stay away from Lilly six months ago when she came to Federal to be closer to him. If anyone caught him touching Lilly again, he'd have his patches stripped and be without a club.

  Not that he had any opportunity to be alone with her since Kurt caught him with his hands and mouth on her. Lilly had stopped using every excuse to be around him lately. The most he got out of her was a shrug and the occasional middle finger before she stormed away. The stubborn girl was trying to protect him from getting in trouble.

  As a result, he had the biggest case of blue balls ever and lived every day on the verge of kicking someone's ass, because Lilly was the only woman he wanted.

  All natural blonde hair down to the top of her perky ass, eyes darker than whiskey and full of emotions, Lilly had the ability to stomp his heart. He leaned back against the wall. His body tense, he expected trouble. Until he found out what Kurt had going down on the side and Lilly was safe, he'd be on guard and protect her.

  Because of the warning, there was nothing else he could do, but wait.

  It seemed like he'd tried everything to forget about Lilly. He'd voluntarily left Pitnam, home to the Bantorus Motorcycle Club, four years ago and helped Kurt start the charter in Federal, Idaho, to get away from Lilly. His plan backfired. Distance only made Lilly more determined to come after him. She'd packed her bags, told no one she was traveling to the Silver Valley, and arrived with no clue what she was doing to him.

  She was hell on two sexy, strong legs, and the sweetest girl who'd ever walked into his life when she was twelve years old and announced she was staying. His chest tightened. Lilly scared the shit out of him.

  If anyone got wind that he'd sampled her sweet pussy on more than one occasion, he'd be lying six feet deep. If Lilly's dad, the president of Bantorus MC, even thought that Ink's relationship went back to when Lilly was twelve years old and he was twenty-four years old, Prez would castrate him, and then slowly kill him.

  There were things about Lilly he couldn't put into words or excuse. He'd tried. Fuck, he'd tried. He was tired of running away from what he'd always wanted, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

  Cutter, his MC brother, lumbered over to Ink. "Ten more minutes and we'll lock the doors, and get the Silver Girls back to the clubhouse."

  "Sounds good, brother." Ink lifted his chin, motioning to the back of the room. "What's up with Kurt and those guys? Have you seen them before?"

  "Germ asked me the same thing. He said Prez spent last Saturday night during the show talking to some men he hadn't seen around before." Cutter pulled a handful of sunflower seeds out of his pocket and popped them all into his mouth. "At least we know it's not about Los Li."

  "Right," Ink mumbled.

  Thankfully, the U.S. arm of the Mexican mafia who'd continually warred against Bantorus MC over the last thirty years would now spend a lifetime locked behind bars in four different prisons. It'd been a quiet six months over the winter for the club, which let everyone wind down and relax. Ink took the down time to throw himself into working double shift in the warehouse assembling rifles for the militia, and put a good chunk of change in the bank. The added distraction kept him away from Lilly, but not even manual labor kept his mind off her.

  The men in question walked away from Kurt and headed toward the backdoor. Ink followed them with his gaze and rested his hand on the butt of his pistol at his hip. The men neither spoke nor loo
ked around at the other customers.

  "Something's definitely up," Cutter said, around a jaw full of seeds.

  Ink looked back to Kurt and found him gone. Two seconds later, Lilly followed the men's path, her boots moving quickly over the floor and her blonde hair waving in her wake. Ink slapped Cutter in the stomach. "Stay in here and watch over the girls."

  Ink followed Lilly down the hallway and slipped outside before the door could shut behind her. He hooked her arm.

  Startled, she jerked her arm out of his grasp. "Shit. You scared me."

  "Get inside." He caught her again, guiding her toward the door.

  "Wait a second." She dug her boots in and jerked his arm. "Come with me."

  "Jesus," he muttered, following her. "You know the rules. All girls stay in the building during working hours."

  "Will you keep your voice down?" She kept walking to the end of the block, stopped at the corner, and held up her hand. "Don't you want to know what Kurt's doing with those men?"

  A group of motorcycle engines started. Ink tilted his head, studying the sounds. He knew the timing and the noise of each muffler belonging to his MC brothers. Hell, he'd worked on every motorcycle in the club himself to know them by sound. None of the bikes belonged to Bantorus.

  Lilly leaned her warm body against him and whispered. "They've been meeting with—"

  "Sh." Ink looked around the corner, spotted three riders and before they rode around the corner, the jean vests on their back showed up under the streetlight and each one of them had a get back whip hanging from their left handlebar.

  Too far away to read the patches or see their colors, he moved back around the corner. He went through the list of motorcycle clubs in the Northwest. There were the Skull Worshippers out of Washington, Chrome and Wheels from the Oregon coast, the Hellstones from Nevada, and a few nomad riders for Lagsturns MC still hanging around Southern Oregon. None of the noted MCs wore a territorial patch and typically stayed away from Bantorus MC.

  That left one club that had members living on the outskirts of Federal. Moroad.

  "Who are they?" she asked.

  He gazed down into her deep, dark eyes and shook his head. "If Kurt wanted you to know, he'd tell you."

  "Don't give me that line of bull shit," she whispered. "I'm not one of the bitches."

  No, she wasn't. She was the head president's only daughter and too smart for her own good. He brushed a stray strand of her hair out of her face and followed the length with his finger, hovering right over her breast. His balls ached in sweet pleasure. It'd been a lifetime since he'd held her.

  The last thing he wanted to do was take her back inside where they'd have to separate again. He sighed and dropped his hand.

  "Ink?" She leaned closer. Her eyes begged him for more.

  She was so responsive to what was going on in his head. He couldn't even be near her without hurting them both. He forced himself to look away.

  "Stay away from me, Ace." he mumbled, taking her back to the Sterling Building and opening the door.

  Kurt hadn't rode off with the other bikers and was still around to catch him talking to Lilly without any other member present. He threaded his fingers through his hair and pushed it off his forehead. He had his own questions that needed answered. There had to be a reason why another MC would show up on Bantorus Territory.

  The Moroad Motorcycle Club was an old school MC that kept to themselves and was more concerned about keeping their freedom than worrying about territory boundaries or growth. There were rumors they took in every felon that walked out of the Idaho state correctional institution and acted on behalf of those still inside the penal system.

  Kurt, Remmy—Bantorus's V.P., Cutter, and Sawyer met with Moroad's leaders soon after arriving in Federal. They discussed the boundaries and gave consent for the Moroad members to come and go in Federal as long as they kept their noses clean and out of Bantorus business. It was a matter of respect, and Bantorus MC's status in the area made it possible to live side by side another MC without any conflict.

  As far as he knew, Moroad had maintained their agreement, and nothing illegal happened inside Federal that pointed at the other club. He hadn't known them to even step inside one of the businesses around Federal before, much less the Bantorus owned Silver Girls.

  If Moroad was looking for women, they were sniffing around the wrong place. Bantorus kept tight control over the Silver Girls. The only one he had to worry about was Lilly.

  Ink glanced down the hallway and seeing no Bantorus MC member around, cornered Lilly against the wall. He lowered his head and spoke low into her ear. "What are you getting yourself into, Lilly?"

  Lilly's gaze went from his eyes to his mouth, and her lips opened. He inhaled her scent. Butterscotch and warm woman. An irresistible combination for a man like him.

  "Don't do it, Ink. Someone will catch us and then it'll be too late," she said, plastering herself against the wall to keep from having any part of her body touch him.

  The only problem with that was she couldn't suck in her breasts, and that specific part of her body warmed his chest. He wasn't going to move. "Tell me how you knew those men were bikers."

  She turned her head and said, "I don't."

  "Look at me."

  She shook her head in short, erupt jerks. "Don't do this to me. They'll rip off your patches, and I'll never see you again."

  "Look at me," he repeated.

  She brought her gaze around to him and her body sagged against the wall. The tension between his shoulders eased. Every fucking day he had to keep his distance, and the only thing he wanted was her.

  "Stay out of club business." He placed his mouth against the top of her head and closed his eyes. "I mean it, Ace."

  He pulled back, and her eyelids fluttered. His chest ached, right above his heart. She was close enough to put her mouth on him, and it took everything he had to keep from taking what he knew she would give him in a heartbeat.

  He'd known from the time she was twelve years old what she wanted. By the time she was fifteen years old, she'd used every excuse to touch him...falling into him, fake limping, and even hiding around the corner and jumping out at him. She'd set her sights on him, and never went away. He continued to hold her captive against the wall. He was too old to play these games.

  She was untouchable, spoiled, and protected. He was a man with a lifetime of experience behind him. But, he was weak. When she'd turned eighteen, she offered him her virginity and he'd taken it. Nothing would've stopped him. No matter how hard he tried or how many times the club warned him to keep his distance or he'd lose his membership, he could not get her out of his head.

  She'd always been more aware of herself, and put women his age to shame. He cupped the back of her head, wanting to never let her go.

  "Ink, please leave," Lilly whispered. "Hurry, before someone sees you with me."

  He hit the wall beside her head with his fist in frustration and stepped back, staring at her. His breath came harsh and fast, matching hers. He wanted to beat out the connection they shared, so he could walk away and give her an excuse to find someone better.

  But, he was a selfish son of a bitch.

  No one would ever take what was his.

  She'd dug her nails into him before he even noticed her, always following him around, hanging on every word he said, and giving him the attention only a grown woman would be capable of doing.

  She'd captured his heart when she stood outside the backdoor of Cactus Cove in Pitnam—her eyes all lit up like dynamite, her jaw snapping as she smacked her gum, and her barely curved hip hitched to the side with her hand planted on it, and confided to him that she'd never become a bitch. All because she believed in one love, one soul mate, one man that'd take her virginity and she was saving herself.

  He'd laughed and asked her who she thought was going to take her up on that offer. He swallowed. That day stood out in his mind like it happened yesterday. She'd stepped up to him, serious as chrome on a Ha
rley, and said, 'I'm ready, but you have a lot of growing up to do, Ink.'

  Him. Grow up.

  She'd nailed him that day, and he kept trying to run away ever since. He closed his eyes an extra beat. He had to keep walking, not for his sake, but for hers. She deserved a nice cushy position within Bantorus MC that'd make her family proud.

  He lived life on his own, came from nothing, and survived more foster care homes than he could remember. Until he gave it all up and ran toward Bantorus MC and became a lifer. He didn't want the ramifications of a relationship, especially with a minor who had her dreams set on seducing a biker a dozen years older than her. The idea alone was unthinkable to him.

  It was easier to laugh her declaration off as a childhood crush, find a woman who was all about sex and overlooked his lack of emotions. Life was easier when he was leading the way. He sure in the hell hadn't planned to take a little girl serious when she had no idea about real life.

  Except the little girl grew up into a sexy, beautiful woman who never wavered in her devotion toward him. That kind of gift was hard to ignore, and he'd failed.

  "Ink," Kurt said behind him.

  "Fuck," he mumbled, dragging his gaze away from Lilly, aching for what he could have if he was strong enough to take it, and cleared his throat. "Yeah, Prez?"

  "The girls will be coming out in five minutes." Kurt's gaze never hit Ink, but stayed locked on Lilly.

  "On it," Ink said, stepping around his president.

  "Lilly. Stay," Kurt said.

  Ink stopped and turned around in time to catch Lilly's chin lift in a brave show of control. He clenched his hands, wanting to take her away from the reprimand that was coming her way. He wanted to stand up for his choices, but because he was Bantorus and Lilly was the president's daughter, any kind of relationship with her was doomed before it started.

  Kurt's gaze swung around to Ink and narrowed. "Move it."

  It took all his strength to turn around and leave Lilly to fight his battles. He'd give up every fucking thing, his club, his position, his life, to be with her. The only reason he wasn't throwing his patches away was because Lilly deserved a respected member of Bantorus. The club was her family, and she'd never leave them. All she got with him was a messed up way of thinking, and a weakness that would destroy them both.