Aching To Exhale Read online

  Two problems lay in front of him. One, when he met Garcia, he saw something in the other man's eyes that put him on edge. Either Garcia had fingers in the FBI's database, or he had a scent for someone wearing a badge. Two, Ethan Cramwell had pulled Crystal into the business after Raul kicked her out. At the last meeting, Garcia informed him Crystal was alive and he'd pay anything to get her.

  Raul had rode hard, straight to Palm Springs to drop off a load for Garcia, and found out his info on Crystal's location was correct. He ran his tongue across his teeth. His body still shook after seeing her after all this time of believing she was dead.

  This time, he wouldn't allow anyone or his case to get in the way. Crystal was his woman, and he'd kill anyone who took her from him. It took losing her to learn she was his world.

  Their relationship wasn't an easy one, but when it was good, it was the best thing he'd ever experienced and twice as much more than he deserved.

  Four and a half hours later, he stopped again to let her walk around and stretch her legs. He'd held off resting, until her squirming started to cause him discomfort on the ride. The damn girl only had to rub on him, and he was rock hard and wanting her.

  At least her discomfort from sitting on the bitch seat told him a little about what she'd been up to in her absence. If she was with another man, he wasn't a rider. She never had problems on long rides with him before, and she was out of condition.

  "Only a couple of hours left and we'll be home." He dug into his pocket and cussed. He'd smoked his last cigarette before going through the back door of the lounge to get Crystal.

  Crystal smirked and turned around. He tilted his head and studied her. "You think that's funny?"

  She shrugged. "I'm not talking to you."

  "You're talking now." He sat sideways on the bike and stretched his legs straight out.

  She glanced at him. "Just because you're talking."

  "You have something to say, say it," he said.

  She walked over, picked up the helmet on the ground, and slipped it on. "You won't listen to anything I have to say, so no, I'm not going to say it."

  He grinned. Hell, she was funny. "Then shut up, and get on my bike."

  The rest of their ride was uneventful and they caught up with the two escorts from the Lagsturns a couple of miles away from the club. He rode through the formation and led them the rest of the way to the building they owned sandwiched between a Chinese restaurant and Stoggy's Bar.

  The air around the club brought him comfort. He inhaled and relaxed. A cold beer and some sweet and sour chicken sounded better than sleep.

  Scott, one of the three prospects, pushed the chain link gate to the back lot open. Raul lifted his finger and rode on by, parking in the number one spot designated for him as president of the Southern Oregon charter. He was home.

  The two story brick building with five rooms upstairs, one of them his, and the downstairs converted into a huge party room with bar and darts on one of the walls took up the whole building. Most of the riders preferred crashing at the Roadside Motel ran by Jones' old lady. Having Lagsturns in the city and on the edge of town provided enough protection they could keep any rival clubs from poaching their territory.

  Crystal handed him her helmet and he tagged her hand, steadying her as she climbed off his Harley. He swept his hair off his forehead. There'd be no questions from the others on what she was doing here. Far as anyone knew, he'd found her and brought her back to be his woman.

  Inside the main room of the club, the other members, who'd stayed behind while he took the first riders with him on the road, stopped all conversations and turned toward him. He pulled Crystal along beside him.

  "Job's complete. We're back on schedule." He looked them all in the eye, working his way through the room, left to right. "Crystals with me. You have a problem with that, bring it up tonight at the meeting. Seven o'clock. Let the others know."

  "Sure, Prez," voiced a few of the members. Everyone else nodded in acknowledgement.

  He walked through the room, took the back stairs, and pushed through the first door on the right into his room. He'd ridden fuck-knows-how-many miles with the biggest hard-on of his life, and he wasn't in a good mood.

  He pointed to the bed. "Sit."

  Crystal hurried over and sat. Her compliance pissed him off even more. What the hell happened to her after she left him to take the fight out of her?

  Chapter Three

  In Raul's upstairs room, dirty dishes covered the top of the dresser, clothes lay scattered over every available surface, and a dozen or more empty beer bottles lined the floor at the foot of the unmade bed. Crystal kept her gaze on Raul, but soaked in every detail about the space they'd shared together as if she'd never seen, cleaned, and lived in the room for months. The disarray appalled her.

  Instead of the citrusy smell of the two candles— the kind she always kept going in the evenings next to the bed— the scent of cigarette smoke and stale beer lay heavy in the room. She wrinkled her nose. What had Raul been doing that he'd let the place become a dump?

  The only thing that remained from her stay were two tickets to see Kid Rock in concert that she'd thumbtacked to the headboard to remind them of the first time they made love. She swallowed hard. The room certainly wasn't a home, but while she'd stayed with him, she'd kept the place picked up and organized.

  "Talk." Raul swung his arm, knocking off the bags piled on a wooden chair, and then threw his leg over the seat and sat on it backward, facing her. "Now's your chance. You want to tell me why you believe someone is trying to kill you, tell me everything."

  She shoved her hands between her thighs, gripping onto the extra material of Raul's jeans she wore. They'd been apart for almost a year. Would he still believe her?

  "Crystal?" Raul said, leaning his arms over the back of the chair and clasping his hands. "Who is trying to kill you?"

  She stood, grabbing the material at her hips to keep the pants up. "If I tell you, will you let me go?"

  He shook his head. She looked away. Tomorrow, the club would kick her out anyway when she confessed to everything she knew.

  "It's Ethan," she said, sitting back down on the bed. "He's mixed up in some bad shit, and he's put me right into the middle of it by ratting me out and using me as leverage for something that has nothing to do with me."

  "Ethan Cramwell?" Raul tilted his head and frowned. "He's not a Lagsturns member."

  "Yeah, I know, but the Lagsturns protected him. You can't deny that." She blew out her breath. "He's crazy. I'm talking off the wall nuts, and wrapped up tight with some folks doing things even the Lagsturns would refuse to do."

  "That's what happens when you spend all your time snorting dummy dust or shooting blow in your veins. You're not telling me anything I don't know," he said.

  How was she supposed to tell him she'd gone along on one of the deals when Ethan met with a guy named Guillermo and she had no idea until they were walking away that her life was put up as collateral against Ethan coming through on transporting the deliveries to the designated buyer? She rubbed the shallow spot on her neck. She'd tried everything to convince Ethan to let her leave and not involve her, but because he was too loaded, too self-centered, too greedy, she couldn't make him do anything.

  "He used me as a sign of good faith…insurance, whatever you want to call it. Ethan had to deliver the drugs. If he failed, I'd be the one killed by this guy he was talking with or one of his men. I was the only thing worth any value to Ethan, according to his boss I met. They even talked about framing the Lagsturns and coming after you. That's why I kept trying to contact Rain. I knew someone was watching me. I didn't want to lead them to you, and the only thing I could think of to do was contact your enemy, hoping somehow you'd hear about it. Anyway, when the date rolled around to do the deal, Ethan flaked, and before I could warn you and get out of town, one of the Bantorus members shoved a fist full of money at me and set me on the bus." She glanced at Raul. "I think the Bantorus MC s
aved my life, because Ethan's boss wanted me dead. I've been hiding out in Palm Springs ever since."

  "What's the man's name that dealt with Cramwell?" Raul stood and moved the chair out of the center of the room.

  "Um…Guillermo. I don't know his last name. I don't think anyone ever said it in front of me." She rose from the bed and approached Raul. "I've told you all I know. I can't stay here in the same town. That guy has other Lagsturns who work for him, it wasn't only Ethan, and now I've put you in danger by telling you this much."

  Her part in Ethan's business fell on her shoulders and she accepted the role she played and the decisions she made. She let her chin fall to her chest. Not having anywhere else to go, she had to find someone who'd put her up, and she was selfish enough to want to stay close to the Lagsturns. That was the only reason she took Ethan up on his offer to crash with him. She wanted to stay close to Raul.

  As long as she continued going by Crystal Rose and stayed alive, she could do no more than keep her love to herself, for both their sakes. Raul deserved more from her, but she'd dug herself into a hole and she had no way out. It wasn't simple for her to support herself all alone. There were only a few jobs available to her where they'd pay her under the table and she'd leave no trace. Dancing for dirty dollar bills and serving beer at the seediest bars kept a roof over her head and kept her away from polite society.

  Call it self-punishing, but she refused to try for better jobs, a more respectful career. An honest life meant she'd dream about better things and end up disappointing herself in the end. The same way her parents disappointed her. Back home, everything had been within her reach if she followed the rules, but she'd burnt that bridge and would never go back.

  Even at thirty-three years old, she still feared proving her parents' lies about her were true. She would survive, even if it killed her, and the way her life was going it might.

  "Crystal?" Raul hooked his finger under her chin and raised her gaze. "Ethan's serving life in prison. He can't hurt you."

  "W-what?" Her mouth fell open.

  He nodded, and his gaze softened along with his voice. "We heard he got shot after kidnapping a woman from the Bantorus—

  "Shit." She grabbed onto Raul's shirt. "Who? Who was the woman?"

  He looked at her hands touching him. "The president's old lady."

  "Oh my God. Tori." she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his chest. "Is she all right or did he…?"

  "Yeah, she's fine. Her old man rescued her. She got a few broken ribs and beat all to hell, but she recovered." He wrapped his arms around her.

  "This is my fault. I went to Rain, thinking if you wouldn't talk with me, I could convince him to set up a meeting with you. I lied about getting back together with him to get his attention and went against his wishes to stay away. I thought he'd get tired of me and listen to what I had to say. Then he'd contact you about going in lockdown until it was safe. I know you don't like him, but you respect the motorcycle clubs. Rain never gave me a chance to explain, and then one of his members shipped me out of town on a bus. I had no idea Ethan would go after his old lady." She shook her head. "Tori didn't deserve to be involved. I didn't like her, but I could tell she was decent."

  "I could kick your ass for putting yourself in danger, and trying a stupid stunt like contacting a Bantorus and going back to Rain, when you should've come directly to me, but damned if I'm not proud of you. When will you think about yourself, instead of other people. Your main concern should be you, nobody else." He stroked her back. "Trouble on two sexy legs."

  "You're proud of me?" she whispered.

  He inhaled, held his breath and exhaled slowly, holding her tighter. "Don't ever do something like that again."

  "I had no choice. You wouldn't see me, and the Lagsturns wouldn't let me on the property," she said.

  "Right." Raul fisted her hair and his body went solid. "Fucked up, mi vida. That's on my shoulders, not yours."

  She sighed, closing her eyes, loving the way his embrace gave her a sense of security she wasn't feeling inside of her. The last few months were the worst of her life, and that was because she was missing Raul. When he was around, she hoped her life would improve. She could pretend he saw through her to the woman she wanted to be, without explaining her past. He never went out of his way to punish her the way she expected, but she'd pushed him too far. There were too many obstacles in their path.

  No one in her life knew the real her. Not her parents, her old friends, or the Lagsturns. They all demanded more from her than she could give, and her word was dirt in their eyes because she couldn't back up her reasons for living the kind of life she led. She had too many secrets, each one deeper and more buried than the last.

  Nothing she put her heart in ever worked out for the best, and she was used to feeling the brunt of her decisions. With Raul, his rejection hurt worse than everything she'd experienced because while they'd been together, she was real.

  She pushed off him, but he held on. "I need to get out of here. If any of the members working for Ethan's boss tell him I'm back in town, he'll come here."

  "I'm their president." Raul sank his fingers into her hair and held her head. "The guys answer to me, and won't go outside the club with inside information. If you believe there are brothers who are involved, I need names."

  "You'll make them stop?" She peered up into his face.

  "Mi vida." He sighed and smoothed her hair behind her ear. "There's no club rule that forbids any of the members to involve themselves in whatever work situation they want. What I can do is take it to the table and make it law that anything involving my woman doesn't leak out or they'll be cut out of the Lagsturns."

  "I can't—"

  He laid his finger over her lips. "You can. I promised I'd take care of you. You're protected here, and you're staying with me. Now, let's take a break from talking about all this shit, so I can kiss you. It's been a hell of a long time since I tasted you, and that's the only thing I want to do right now."

  She whispered, "You want to—"

  He captured her mouth. She tried to move, but his grip tightened. His lips though, they remained soft, tender, welcoming. Her heart raced and she froze, afraid to do anything but stand there. He was kissing her. Something she'd missed, something she never allowed another man to do to her since Raul kicked her out of the club.

  She slipped her arms around his neck, needing to touch every part of him. God, he was wonderful.

  His hands slid down her body, cupped her ass, and lifted her off her feet. She twined her legs around his hips, holding on as he carried her a few steps and turned. Her body vibrated from all the attention she'd lacked the last eleven months. Her need to connect with him overrode common sense.

  "Raul, we should probably talk about—"

  "Later," he said. "Much, much later."

  She went with him to the bed, landing on top of him without disconnecting her lips from his mouth. His hands were all over her, ripping his jeans from her hips, shoving his leather jacket off her shoulders. She squirmed, putting her weight on one hand and then the other, until he'd stripped her of her barely-there sequined bikini bottoms she wore on the stage.

  He pulled back far enough to mumble, "Burn the outfit."

  "I will." She tugged the strings holding her top on and threw the offending material on the floor. She'd never felt freer to get rid of the remains of a life she hated.

  Bare on top of Raul, her thighs against his jeans, and her hands planted on his vest, she hid nothing from him. It was the closest that anyone had ever been to seeing inside of her, and she willingly gave as much as she safely could give to Raul.

  "Condom." He dropped his arms out wide on the mattress, breathing hard.

  She leaned over and opened the nightstand. The condom box lay unopened and she hesitated. The day before Raul pushed her away, she'd bought the exact same box and put it in the drawer. She remembered, because it was a different brand than Raul usually used. She glanced at him,
but he'd directed his attention to unbuckling his belt. Had he gone through a whole box while she was gone and bought another or had he not even opened the one she purchased months ago?

  "Crystal?"

  She jolted, hurried to open the box, and thrust the sealed condom to him. "Here."

  He took the package, opened the wrapper, and rolled the protection onto his cock. She settled back on his thighs. The sight of him hard underneath her left her trembling.

  This morning everything was lost to her. She had a sucky job where they were always pressuring her to step up into prostitution. Her motel room was a dump. Her possessions—what little she had on her when she'd left Palm Springs—were now gone.

  "Hey." Raul came up on his elbow and cupped her face with his other hand.

  His thumb came away wet, and he stared at the teardrop on his skin. She blinked hard, shutting down. The tears she could control. The hunger of emptiness in her life was something that ate away at her soul, until she had nothing left. She feared losing the last little hope of finding somewhere that she belonged with the man who had the ability to crush her heart.

  "Talk to me," Raul said, softly.

  She shook her head, leaning forward. "Fuck me. That's all I need."

  He studied her for a few beats, and murmured, "Come here. I got you."

  Because his voice, his eyes, his mouth went soft and loving the way she remembered when things were good between them, she dropped onto his chest and kissed him. Every second of them being together, she'd memorize and keep inside of her with the other secrets she held dear to her heart.

  He rolled with her until she was under him and he settled between her legs. She held his gaze as he thrust inside of her, gasping at the fullness filling her, the emptiness she'd lived with while away from him disappeared. The pleasure intensified and she arched against him, letting herself feel alive for the first time in so long.

  "Don't close your eyes on me," he said, pulling out and plunging back inside of her.

  She nodded, taking every inch of him. The tattoo flames wrapping around his ribs from the fire on his back. The whiskered jaw line that rubbed her roughly, reminding her he was close. She'd missed him, but she'd remembered every detail about him. Thought about him every hour, and craved him when they were apart.