Struggling For Justice Read online

  "Look at me." She held her arms out to her sides. "I've lost weight in the last year and you can see my ribs. My clothes hang off me, and if it wasn't for the outfits you all gave me, I'd look horrible. I dye my hair a warm brown color because I have more than a few gray hairs that tend to show up every eight weeks. I haven't had my nails done in months, and I'm wearing sneakers because all my heels are locked up in a house that I can't even get inside."

  "Honey, what have you gone through?" Shari asked.

  Natalie shook her head. She couldn't confide in them. If they pitied her, she'd never be comfortable staying here. There was also the chance that she'd lose their respect. She'd handled things horribly with Robert, but at the time, she'd done the only thing she thought possible.

  Risa got out of her chair and hugged her, shushing her manic explosion. "Maybe you've changed, but you're blind to what Remmy sees."

  "She's right." Alana crossed her legs. "Before we became bitches for Bantorus MC, we were all professional strippers. You hang around long enough, and you'll hear the talk. We're a legend in Federal, especially to the miners. We know what men like and what they want. Girl, you've got it going on. Sure, you're thirty five—"

  "I'm forty years old," Natalie said.

  "Really?" Alana whistled. "I would die for your looks when I get that old."

  She felt ancient. All these women were younger, and she was sitting here in tears, lacking self-confidence, and bemoaning her attraction to Remmy, because loyalty to her husband was burned into her head.

  Robert never gave her the support in the eighteen years they were together that Remmy had in the few days she'd known him. She'd held on to teaching classes to keep a slice of her life private from Robert. She'd fought, hidden, and struggled to help Robert with his mental condition and in the end, he'd killed himself. The only guilt she felt was that she didn't mourn him enough or the way she should, because she'd given up on their marriage a long time ago. In some ways, she enjoyed being on her own, even though she knew that made her sound like an awful person. If she could've left him years ago, knowing he'd be okay, she would've gone in a heartbeat. She'd stopped loving him the way a wife was supposed to love her husband when he'd ordered her to put on a charade of being a happy and content wife or he'd kill himself.

  "Honey, is there more going on?" Risa asked.

  She inhaled deeply. She'd paid her debt to Robert Oman. It was time for her to live the life she'd always wanted, and if that included bikini tops and cutoffs at forty years old and stolen kisses inside a biker club because it made her feel alive, than dammit, she'd do it.

  "I want Remmy," she said. "I don't know what I'm doing, but I do know that I can't take another night sleeping beside him and not touching him."

  Risa clapped her hands. "Then you better get ready, because when those men come out of the meeting, things are going to get wild. Each one of them gets hyped up on testosterone and looks for a warm body...including Kurt."

  Over in the corner, Big Dawg—one of the prospects named from his size and thick jawline—snorted. Risa glared at him. "You do not speak of what you overheard. Do you hear me?"

  "Yes, ma'am." Big Dawg pulled his baseball cap lower, leaned back in the chair and pretended to doze.

  Risa turned her attention back to Natalie. "Don't worry about him. He won't say a word or he risks his chance at becoming a lifer."

  Now that she'd confessed her feelings, she couldn't sit still. She stood and paced beside the table. The other girls started talking, and she used the distraction to figure out how she was going to tell Remmy that she liked kissing him. That she wouldn't mind doing more than kissing. Her sex tingled and she rubbed her hand over her stomach.

  The area above her tattoo sensitive to her touch, she gazed down and swallowed. Permanently marking her body was a spur of the moment thing to do. She'd never dreamt of putting ink in her skin, but being around Remmy made her daring and wanting to try new things.

  When she showed him what she'd done, he approved, because his eyes warmed and he'd clutched the back of her neck possessively. She melted. God, she loved when he did that.

  The door banged open down the hall. She stopped and stared at the opening into the room. The younger member, Sawyer, strolled out first grabbing Monica and kissing her deeply, followed by Cutter taking Alana by the hand and leading her to the couch. Next came Crain and the big guy with the weird name. She bit down on her lip. Germ. That was his name.

  Then the rest of the men walked into the room, and still Remmy hadn't appeared. Half the men swept the girls up in their arms amongst screeches of excitement from the women. She blew out her breath. Her body vibrated and she wasn't sure what to do about it.

  Risa stood and waited, bouncing on her toes and leaning forward to see around the shoulders of the men walking away. Obviously, Risa was right about Kurt, and she was ready for him.

  Kurt came to the edge of the room. "Office. Now."

  Risa ran toward him. He caught her, carrying her around the corner while she kissed him. Natalie pressed her hand against the base of her throat, nervous. What if Remmy decided to skip out and not talk with her tonight?

  She'd end up doing the laid parade up the stairs without ever being laid.

  Then Remmy was there, eyes on her, and giving her the most intense look she'd ever received. There was no mistaking that look. That look stroked her inside and out, leaving her legs weak.

  "Big Dawg, go watch the bikes," Remmy said.

  The large young man pushed off his chair, walked past Natalie, and she heard the door shut behind her. Alone in the main room with Remmy, she wanted to apologize and explain what was going on with her before someone else called him away.

  She moistened her lips. "Rem—"

  "You kissed me back." Remmy leaned against the edge of the wall. "I kept my hands off you, tried to keep my mind off you, and tried like hell not to get a taste of you again, because I knew once I did, I'd be addicted. Then you kissed me back."

  "I did," she said.

  "You kissed me back," he said, his voice rough and low.

  "I did," she repeated. "Because I enjoyed the kiss."

  "Fuck me," he whispered. "I put you on the back of my bike, and you had no idea what that meant to a guy like me. I sleep beside you and you still have no fucking clue..."

  She shook her head. "You're wrong, because I had an idea and I couldn't get you out of my head. I still can't, because even though you're trying to distance yourself from me, I just want you over here, and kissing me again."

  "Be sure about what you're saying, lady." His intense gaze left her panting. "Once you're mine, you're staying mine. I don't share my woman and I won't let you walk away. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, and I've never taken a woman on the back of my bike. Once you're with me, you're with me. Do you know what I'm saying?"

  She nodded. The girls informed her earlier that they weren't allowed on the bikers' motorcycles. They'd also compared her to Risa, who was what everyone called an old lady. She not only heard, but also felt, the difference. What Kurt and Risa had was real. They were committed. They had love.

  "I can take you up into my room, show you how good it can be between us, but you have to know, I'll expect you in that bed the next night and the next. You walk to me, put your hands on me, and tell me you get what I'm saying, lady, or I bed down in here and you take the room upstairs. I can't sleep with you without being in you. I'm old enough to know what I want...and that's you, but you'll be the one who comes to me. Your choice. Either way, I promised to keep you safe and my words good," he said.

  There was no hesitation. She walked straight to him, placed her hands on his stomach, feeling the hard reaction from her touch, and whispered, "I get what you're telling me, Remmy."

  He picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and buried her head into his neck. Turned on by the inflexible control and obstinate truthfulness Remmy gave her, she was neither blind nor irrational about her decision. She wanted him,
and wanted what he offered for as long as she could have it.

  Chapter Nine

  Remmy cupped the weight of Natalie's breasts. His lips stimulated her nipple until it was tight and sensitive. Natalie arched, gasping, as he sealed his lips around her areola and sucked the taut flesh into his mouth. She cradled his head, pleasure washing through her.

  He tugged rhythmically, licking between each hard pull. She tugged as his hair. It'd been too long since she'd experienced such sexual arousal in herself, tears stung the corners of her eyes at the raw power Remmy built inside of her.

  That he desired her, despite how messed up her life was at the moment, meant the world to her. She blinked to dry the moisture out of her vision. She couldn't even remember the last time someone cared about how she was feeling or unselfishly taken the time to put her first. God, she'd wanted someone to care for so long.

  He moved up, fastening his mouth on hers, and excited her more. "I want you," he mumbled against her lips. "Fast. Then slow. I need you with me. I want in your head, lady."

  "You are," she whispered.

  He held himself still above her on the bed. "You're thinking of the past and other times you had sex. I want you here with me, only me."

  "I am," she snapped, shaking with desire for Remmy. Only him.

  He growled. "I'm not erasing your past, but right now, I want to be the only thing you think about."

  "It's been a long time," she burst out. "Robert was the only man I've slept with. I can't stop thinking that this is new to me. I've never done flings or...or affairs."

  She hated admitting that. He expected her to jump into a new sexual adventure, and she felt inadequate, inexperienced, and broken. What if she disappointed him?

  His hand cupped the back of her head, forcing her face upward. His dark eyes stared down at her. She wanted to shrink away from him, but she was already an empty shell of who she always wanted to be. She was no longer a twenty-year-old girl, but a forty-year-old woman who spent her whole adult life married to one man.

  His grip gentled, yet remained protective. He stroked her cheek with the thumb on his free hand. "Lady..." His voice deepened. "You've lived a lifetime already, but I need you to move on. I want you right here with me."

  "Please don't."

  "It's gotta be said."

  "But, I don't want to think—"

  "Stop." He circled her in his embrace.

  Clasped against his hard chest, she wanted to tell him the truth. Her marriage was anything but happy. Her life continued to be hard, lonely, and degrading. Until Remmy found her. Now he offered her security, protection, attention, and he was overwhelming her.

  He massaged her scalp, running his fingertips over the shape of her head, stroking her into safekeeping. Her inner tightness eased, warmed by his touch. He lulled her into finding her strength to seek what she wanted.

  Her mouth found his, and she kissed him. Slow hunger cultivated her into taking more, leaving her dizzy. His broad arm cradled her, while his other hand roamed her naked side. She ignored the urge to squirm away from his touch and hide her ribs, her hips, her slender frame from his touch. Instead, she melted and glowed from the responsiveness he created from her.

  He trailed his mouth along her jaw to her ear, whispering words and reassurances she only half listened to because his hand slipped between their bodies, parting her thighs, and settled between her legs. She stretched, making more room.

  He opened her with lazy strokes, one fingertip moving over her flesh in teasing, small circles until he'd centered on her sensitive nub. She writhed under his work-roughened hands, thinking he knew exactly the pressure, the speed, to please her.

  The need for sex, to have him inside of her, pulsed through her. She arched her back, and he muffled her gasp with his mouth. She welcomed the possessive thrust of his tongue. His hand left her body and he kneeled over her, while continuing to kiss her.

  The crinkle of a foil wrapper a welcoming sound, she lifted her hands and sprawled her fingers on his bare chest.

  She ran her nails over his shoulders. Everything about him was hard. His body, his attitude, his zest for life. He faced everything head on and took control.

  He growled, pressing his hardness against her sex. The rush of her own pulse roared in her ears. He was huge and strong, so different from Robert.

  "Hey," he said. "Look at me."

  She focused on his eyes. He studied her intently, concern etched at the corners of his mouth. She reached up and smoothed the wrinkles with the pad of her finger. "You don't have to worry. I'm with you."

  His mouth softened. "I'm trying to take it slow for you."

  "Don't." She warmed over his concern. "I don't need careful or softness from you. I want to feel what you're feeling. Show me how much you want me, in the way that only you can want me."

  Her hips surged forward, and he responded without hesitation. His hands slid to her wrists and he raised her arms, and guided her to hold on to the spindles of the headboard. The whole while, he watched her for any sign of refusal. She'd never say no to him. She knew that deep down inside of her.

  Her breasts lifted with the movement and brushed his chest. Her nipples constricted, sending pleasure throughout her.

  "Hold on." His warm breath heated her neck.

  She gripped tighter on the headboard at the same time his cock teased her sex. She bucked at the intimacy, the desire, the need. His hands went to her breasts, covering them. He squeezed and she tilted her hips. He continued to stare intently at her, sliding his hardness between her folds. An inch at a time, he pushed inside of her, and then retracted, withdrawing a moan from her. She quivered, needing more.

  "Just me," Remmy said on an exhale.

  She shuddered. "Yes."

  He plunged inside of her. She gasped, her upper body coming off the mattress. Before she could prepare herself, he withdrew and thrust into her again. A bubble of emotions rose to the surface and she strained against all the sensations swirling between her legs, her lower stomach, and her head.

  "Oh, God," she hissed, trembling under the siege of feelings threatening to undo her.

  Remmy caressed her stomach, her hips, and finally hooked his hands behind her thighs, separating and lifting her legs. Open and vulnerable to his gaze, she sank back on the bed. Unable to lay there and let him do everything, she moved.

  He moved.

  She moved faster.

  He answered her with quicker movements, and soon her body had a mind of its own, thrashing against him. Her lower stomach tightened and she recognized the climax moments before her body spasmed, squeezing around his cock, and a wave of pleasure possessed her.

  Remmy planted his hands on the mattress beside her head and forged on with erratic thrusts. His hips vibrated, straining for control, and then he plunged all the way into her and groaned. Even then, his gaze never left her eyes. She absorbed his climax, luxuriating in the power of a man who gave her the moment when he lost control and pure feelings overrode him.

  As his body shuddered, she let go of the bed and stroked his face. Her breath came fast and hot, mingling with his. She lost strength in her muscles and her eyelids grew heavy. He slipped out of her, tossed the condom toward the wastebasket by the bed, and rolled with her.

  Cocooned in his arms, she snuggled against his chest. She had no words to describe how she was feeling, because she'd never experienced an almost obsessed connection like that with anyone before.

  When her breathing settled back to normal, she pried her tongue off the roof of her mouth and moistened her lips. "Thank you," she whispered.

  "You gave it to me, lady." He kissed her forehead. "You had me in your head."

  She tilted her face and looked at him. "Remmy, you don't understand."

  He propped himself up on his elbow. She sighed deeply, not wanting to push away what they had together for something she hated to think about, but she couldn't have him believing she'd thrown away her feelings, or thought so little of other people,
or that she was a bad wife for ignoring the fact that she became a widow almost a year ago this month.

  "What don't I get?" he asked.

  She followed his example, and raised her head to look at him face to face. "My marriage wasn't a happy one. Sex was an obligation I fulfilled, because I was Robert's wife. Not at first it wasn't, it was good, but it wasn't like that...it was different. Robert had issues rather quickly in our marriage, and those times we were together came less frequently over the years."

  Issues. What he had was a problem bigger than either of them could control. She'd tried to help him. Every doctor or therapists she sought for advice told her the same thing. She couldn't fix him, and she wasn't responsible for his actions or his health. To everyone on the outside, she was still his wife and she played the role to perfection to protect the troubles he fought with every day.

  Remmy sat up in bed. "Did he abuse you?"

  She followed him, pulling the blanket in front of her, and crossing her arms to cover herself. "Not in a physical sense. He had problems, but he's gone now. He made the decision to end his life, taking his brother's life with him. I can't forgive him for that. It was a selfish act."

  Remmy's mouth hardened. "It was never good between you two?"

  "At the beginning, it was good. Not perfect, but I thought I loved him," she said.

  "What about now?" he asked.

  "I want to believe what we had was love, but I can't help thinking that I've never had the kind of love others experience." She frowned, knowing how that sounded. "It was love. Just a different love than I grew to need. It's hard to have a healthy relationship that builds you up, instead of down."

  He turned off the lamp beside the bed and lay back down. "Come here."

  She snuggled against him. Still relaxed, still hyped on what happened between them, but doubts crept in. If she could only go back and change the course that Robert took, maybe she could've saved two lives. Then she could've found a way to leave him without the worry that he'd do something she'd regret for the rest of her life.